


Pain of the Past

by the13thCaretaker



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I SHIT YOU NOT, Nightmares, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, gods this is a tagging wreck, if you squint???, its more brotherly love tho, spones - Freeform, whatever just read it there's angst and comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 16:28:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11536050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the13thCaretaker/pseuds/the13thCaretaker
Summary: McCoy has some trouble coping with reliving his father's death and Spock really frigging wants him to be ok.





	Pain of the Past

Leonard McCoy entered his quarters and was met with a flood of sudden relief. The past couple of days had been exhausting, not just physically but emotionally as well. Currently, he was just happy to retire to the quiet of his quarters, away from the festivities and celebrations.

He got as far as shucking off his boots and red over coat before lying down on his side on the welcoming bed. McCoy's bones felt heavy and weary and he was once again reminded he wasn't as young as he used to be. He was older than his father had been when.... he died. McCoy huffed, closing his eyes and willing his thoughts to go elsewhere. Anywhere but there. It seemed now that Sybok was gone all the pain that had 'gone away' decided it was a good time to come rushing back. However, exhaustion wrestled with it, quickly becoming the victor and the doctor fell into an uneasy sleep.

_____________________________________

 

The night was still somewhat young, but Spock found that McCoy no longer seemed to be around. Soon after talking with them, Jim had begun speaking to some of the Enterprise's guests. McCoy had then eventually gone off, claiming he was going to get some of Mr. Scott's apparently exceptionally good alcohol. However, after interacting with several members of the crew and guests, Spock realized that he has not seen the doctor in quite some time. Curiously, and with a touch of concern, the half-Vulcan excused himself from an ongoing conversation between Sulu and Chekov to search for his friend.

As he ventured further into the ships corridors, Spock began to wonder if something had hurt McCoy's mind during the recent events. He was unfamiliar with Sybok's... unorthodox methods, and that only increased the feeling of concern. McCoy did not have a good history of telepathic interaction, ever since he and the others travelled to the mirror universe so many years ago. 

After checking sickbay- that seemed a likely place for the doctor to go, whether he be on or off duty- and not finding him there, Spock made his way towards his friend's quarters. He knocked once, waited for a few moments, then knocked again. When no answer came, Spock took the liberty of entering. What he saw as he ventured inside was rather discomforting.

 

_____________________________________

 

They were all screaming at him. Yelling at him, calling him a selfish fool. What right had he been given to perform such an act? McCoy covered his ears, but his hands did nothing to block out the sound of his mother's weeping, his grandmother and grandfather's anguished cries. He could do nothing to deflect the accusations of murder and cruelty. Choking on a sob of his own, McCoy curled in on himself, hands clamped over his ears and eyes shut tight in a vain attempt to block out the pain.

One of them grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him hard. He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut tighter. "No, no, please stop," he said, not even caring how his voice broke multiple times throughout even that small of a request.

"...Murderer," one of the voices said. Except it wasn't one of his family members... Or was it?

Spock.

Oh god, Spock thought he was a murderer too. If he could gather the will to move from his curled position he probably would have been sick. He was shaken again.

"Leonard... you are not... a murderer," came Spock's voice. 

It was difficult to hear it over the cries of his own mother but he just barely made them out.

"You are not a murderer," the words repeated, ringing throughout his mind.

 

_____________________________________

 

Gently but firmly, Spock repeated the words, "You are not a murderer," to McCoy. When he had entered, he was overcome by the sight of his friend, curled on the bed in a fetal position with his hands clamped over his ears and muttering brokenly between sobs about how had really had tried to save his father, if he knew there would have been a cure he would have waited.

Carefully, Spock wedged his hands underneath McCoy's and pulled them away. He was almost overwhelmed by the utter grief the other man was going through. His first instinct was to perform a mind meld and simply take on some of the pain and to better reasure McCoy that he was not in the wrong. That he had performed a sound and logical action that did not ammount to murder; however, he was wary of entering the doctor's mind, fearing that he would only damage it further.

When McCoy's normally steady hands were away from his ears, Spock leaned closer and repeated, "You are not a murderer, Leonard."

This time, McCoy woke, bolting half upright with heaving breaths. The breaths came heavier and quicker, mixed with wet sobs. Spock maneuvered himself in front of McCoy, took his hand and placed it over his chest.

"Doctor, you must breathe slower. Breathe in time to me," Spock said calmly.

It took several long minutes, but soon McCoy's panic subsided and his breathing returned to relatively normal. As the doctor appeared to come aware of what had happened and what was going on, shame filled his eyes as he looked at Spock.

"Oh god," he groaned weakly, his rigged back and shoulders suddenly sagging, "Spock, you just lost your brother. You don't need to be here taking care of me," he murmered.

"Seeing as how the Captain referred to us as family," Spock said, "It is imperitice that I make sure my living brother is well."

McCoy lifted his head and locked eyes with Spock. He half opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, not knoeing exactly what to say. Instead, a fresh onslaught of tears came to his eyes and continued to run down his face. 

He fell forward into Spock and the Vulcan put his arms protectively around him. McCoy's broken sobs were much quieter now, and filled with a sadness that had simply been held back for far too long. Spock held McCoy close as the man clung to him like a lifeline. The Vulcan could feel the battle raging inside his friend. The rational wrestling with guilt. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he struggled to accept it. He was unwilling to even though he knew. And yet... Though he did know, it didn't stop the pain of the tragedy. 

And perhaps, like Jim had said, this pain helped make McCoy who he was. Perhaps this is one of the reasons Leonard McCoy was one of the most compassionate creatures Spock knew. 

McCoy's tears came to a slow halt, tracks still evident on his face, and his breathing evened out completely. All good indications that the doctor had finally fallen into a peaceful slumber. Spock shifted the other man's thin frame so that he was lying comfortably with his head on the pillow.

Just as Spock was stepping away from the bed, McCoy shifted uneasily, his brow creasing. Instead of leaving, Spock mlved to the other side of the bed and layed down next to him. After all, it was logical to remain and make sure that McCoy was safe.

**Author's Note:**

> So I actually have no idea how old Bones' dad was when he died. It's late and I'm too tired to look it up. But I fighre if he were younger than Bones when he died the disease could have made him seem really aged. So. Yeah. Hope you enjoyed :D


End file.
